it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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