GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
