Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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