If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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