In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
