Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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