Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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