i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
