you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
