I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
