No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
