i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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