i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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