The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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