i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
