fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
