Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
