Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
