I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
