Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
where am i from again
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
