I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize