this boner is exhausting
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
