dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
