That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
