"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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