through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
