Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
should my penis look like a turkey
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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