i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
