I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
