There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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