....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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