Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
