I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
