So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she looked like the before picture.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
