i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
