he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
