there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
