That's intense
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
