Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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