Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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