Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
