I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
