Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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