guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The best revenge is premature balding
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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