On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
