Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she was so not down for the gang bang
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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