genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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