Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
