just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
