worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
