Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
