how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
