that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
