In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
