I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
