I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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