May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
