Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
