Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
