he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
