I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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