first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
