I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
