Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
